While it’s natural for parents to want to protect their children from pain, anxiety, or discomfort, overprotection can hinder healthy emotional development. Shielding children from age-appropriate challenges may unintentionally weaken their ability to cope with real-world stressors.

Instead, experts encourage fostering resilience — the ability to adapt and grow in the face of adversity, trauma, or stress. Resilience isn’t a fixed trait but a skill that can be built over time. It helps children develop problem-solving abilities, confidence and emotional flexibility.

“Just like a vaccine introduces a small amount of a virus to build immunity, manageable stressors help kids build coping skills,” says Dr. Anthony J. Anzalone, Psy.D., clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Stony Brook School of Medicine.

Resilience isn’t just about bouncing back — it's also about learning and growing from tough experiences. “It’s the ability to recover AND to return stronger,” adds Dr. Brittain L. Mahaffey, Ph.D., DBT Program Director at Stony Brook.

One key tool is open communication. Talking through challenging situations like bullying, social conflicts or school stress helps children identify their feelings and develop solutions. Dr. Mahaffey urges parents to avoid making assumptions and instead ask open-ended questions. For instance, if a child is anxious about a sleepover, ask: “What are you worried might happen?” rather than guessing the cause.

This kind of dialogue helps uncover the root of discomfort and shows children their concerns are heard and valid. It also gives the adults the chance to guide problem-solving rather than simply removing the challenge.

Another approach is “scaffolding,” where children are gradually exposed to more responsibility and independence. “Scaffolding involves stepping back over time in the support you give,” says Dr. Mahaffey.

For example, a 7-year-old might need the parent to bring a comforting object to a sleepover which may be appropriate. But for a 15-year-old with similar anxiety, Dr. Mahaffey recommends discussing strategies in advance: “You might say, ‘I know you sometimes get nervous at sleepovers. What’s your plan if that happens this time?’”

By preparing for stress, parents help children manage anxiety, rather than avoid it altogether.

Sometimes, it’s the feelings themselves that frighten children. Parents can help by normalizing emotions like sadness, fear, or anger. “These emotions aren’t the enemy,” says Dr. Mahaffey. “When they make sense in a situation, it’s okay to feel them — without letting them control your actions.”

Talking about your own emotions and how you cope can also help children understand that tough feelings are part of life — not something to fear or avoid.

By supporting children through — not around —life's challenges, parents can help build emotional strength that lasts a lifetime.

Childhood obesity is on the rise in the United States, with roughly one in five children aged 2 to 17 considered seriously overweight. But to Dr. Anupama Chawla, Director of the Healthy Weight and Wellness Center at Stony Brook Children’s Hospital, the problem is visible well beyond the statistics.

“You don’t even have to look at obesity charts,” she says. “Look at the malls, the classrooms, your patient population. A child in the 90th percentile for weight is no longer surprising —it’s become the norm.”

And that normalization comes at a cost. Carrying excess weight, especially around the midsection, increases the risk of developing metabolic syndrome — a cluster of conditions including high blood sugar, abnormal cholesterol levels, and elevated blood pressure. These can lead to serious issues like diabetes, liver disease, stroke, and heart problems later in life.

“The side effects are tremendous,” says Dr. Chawla. “We’re seeing more cases of pre-diabetes and elevated liver tests that may lead to fatty liver disease — one of the top causes of adult liver failure.”

The psychological toll is also significant. Obese children are often subjected to bullying and teasing, which can impact self-esteem and mental health.

Early recognition is key. Pediatricians typically monitor height and weight during annual checkups, using BMI percentiles to detect problems. While a child growing steadily in the 95th percentile may not raise alarms, a rapid jump from the 60th to 90th percentile in a short period should.

Parents can also look for physical signs: fat accumulation around the waist, back, and buttocks, or skin changes like dark patches around the neck or stretch marks on the belly — indicators of pre-diabetes known as acanthosis nigricans.

Stony Brook Children's Healthy Weight and Wellness Center, now three years old, focuses on early, family-centered intervention. Children may be referred by pediatricians or brought in directly by parents concerned about weight gain. “We work with the whole family,” says Dr. Chawla. “Every child gets an individualized plan shaped by their lifestyle, culture, schedule, and budget.”

The clinic’s approach is practical — helping families pre-plan meals, cook together, and shop smart. Families are encouraged to buy seasonal fruits and vegetables, often found on sale, and shop the perimeter of the supermarket where fresh, whole foods are stocked.

Nutrition education is a major focus. Families are taught to build a balanced plate: half filled with vegetables, a quarter with lean protein, and a quarter with a healthy carbohydrate. Children can have seconds of proteins and veggies without worrying about calories — the goal is steady, healthy eating habits, not restrictive dieting.

Combating childhood obesity isn’t just about helping one child — it requires the whole family to get involved. According to Amy Canterella, RD, a registered dietitian at the Healthy Weight and Wellness Center at Stony Brook Children’s Hospital, involving the entire household in nutrition, movement, and gradual behavioral changes not only helps the child, but improves overall family health.

For children under 12, Canterella recommends a gradual approach:

Prep for after-school hunger: Have healthy snacks ready for when kids get home. Good options include cut fruit or vegetables with dip, yogurt parfaits, cheese sticks, hard-boiled eggs, or soup.

Teens bring unique challenges to healthy lifestyle changes, with growing independence and social pressures.

That said, every family is different. Some prioritize big breakfasts, others a shared evening meal. The key is finding what fits your family’s rhythm.

Ultimately, the goal isn’t just weight loss — it’s helping children thrive physically, emotionally, and socially. “We want them to feel full, grow, and develop,” says Canterella. “If you’re an athlete, we want you to perform better. If you’re struggling in school, we want to support your learning.”

“The focus is not only on weight, but on overall health.”

✅ Healthy Habits & Routines

🛌 Sleep & Morning Prep

·       Set a consistent bedtime (8–12 hrs depending on age).

·       Create a relaxing bedtime routine (no screens 1 hour before bed, reading, calming music).

·       Prepare clothes, backpacks, and lunches the night before.

·       Allow time for breakfast each morning.

🍎 Nutrition & Activity

·       Provide balanced meals and snacks.

·       Encourage water throughout the day.

·       Build in daily fresh air and movement.

📚 Homework & Study Habits

·       Create a quiet, clutter-free homework space.

·       Minimize distractions (TV, phones, noise).

·       Take short breaks, then return to work.

·       Review schoolwork nightly and praise effort.

❤️ Connection & Positivity

·       Talk positively about school and teachers.

·       Eat meals together and check in daily.

·       Validate feelings and help problem-solve.

🌿 Parent Self-Care

·       Make time for your own hobbies and health.

·       Connect with supportive friends/family.

·       Recognize burnout — seek help if needed.

⚠️ Warning Signs: How to Tell if Your Child is Struggling

🏠 At Home

·       Frequent stomachaches, headaches, or fatigue.

·       Morning meltdowns, aggression, panic, or refusal to leave the house or car.

·       Sadness, irritability, or withdrawal.

·       Difficulty concentrating.

·       Requests to stay home due to illness or stress.

🏫 At School

·       Declining grades or poor performance.

·       Trouble focusing or following directions.

·       Repeated calls/texts to parents during the school day.

·       Disruptive behavior resulting in need to leave class.

·       Social withdrawal or peer conflict.

🛠️ What To Do If You’re Concerned

·       Trust your instincts — early action helps.

·       Talk with your child: Share your observations and let them know you are concerned

·       Listen and validate without judgment.

·       Communicate with school teachers and counselors.

·       See your pediatrician.

·       Ask for a referral to a mental health provider.

·       Encourage attendance while addressing concerns.

·       Set clear expectations (limit screen time if absent, reward efforts to attend).

Stony Brook Children's Hospital CARE Initiative | 📞 631-638-1111